... Wow im a fuck-up

My title pretty much explains alot..
Today i learnt alot..
-About my best friend
-About close friends that i have known for a long while..
-About things that i noticed, but thought was just me being naive..
-About myself.


I learnt a lot today as i have briefly mentioned above, and in all honestly.. 
Theres just so much i want to say to you, but at the same time I am not totally clear about what that is.
Its like i know i want/have to say something, but I dont know what that is..
All the stuff that I have read today.. im not going to lie, it has made me cry.. more so than anything or anyone has been able to do in well.. ages.
I know now that things are gunna be awkward between us because now you have told me/shown me.. i know that you will want to "hide" [if that is the correct way to put it, i am not sure..] But "WE'RE" N.O.T going to allow that m'kay! ...


Whyy did youu not tell me this before. About any of it.
I seem to be really good at not noticing things.. not engaging with things i notice or think i do.. or even taking any kind of action on things. I knew things weren't right, and i tried to help, but not as much as i could have done because i knew i would get pushed away [even more] so i was trying in little bits every day. [Chip]
And whyy on EARTH did you not tell me about "E"... its just like.. arrghhh, i dont even quite know how to put it.. but RAH! 
I just.. hmm. This could be difficult to explain..


Take it easy
Superman..Beesley..Twat
..Definatly a twat.