Anticipating..

Weekend still trying to compute in my mind. ahh well..
Really anticipating tomorrow morning.. got media, and possibly seeing people that im not too sure how to approach.. as well as GLITTERFAIRYYYYYYYYYY xD
LONG TIME NO SEEEEE beb :l ... (: <3 .. wait. you had BEST not have uni thing tomorrow :l


And then comes the afternoon.. Oaklands + No Cuursework + 1:1 with teacher... not the one :l


Charlies Birthday Tomorrow, going for drinks with him, chris and hemi hopefully.. possibly Larry too ( <3 ) :p


Take it easy, wish meeee luckk..
Superman..Beesley..Twat

Weekends And Secrets..

This weekend was FAR to strange.. and ex, and old mate a 'cow' in her words who I havnt spoken to in 2 years decided at a party on the weekend she would apologise to me.. I dont understand why, everything we said is floating round in my mind, it shouldnt be, but it is.. its just crazy that after 2 years we seem to have 'made - up'. We talked for a good 2 hours, it was just like an alien world, yet one I fully know about and have been there before on multiple occasions, ah well.. Guess thats one less person to hate me.. 


Eminem. Why do I like you so much? 'Well ima tell them'

Only this gun, lonely, cuz don't anyone know me 

But everybody just feels like they can relate 

I guess words are a motherfucker, they can be great 

Or they can be great, or even worse, they can teach hate 

Its like kids hang on every single statement we make..

..Now how the fuck did this metamorphasis happen?.....

.....They want you to lose your mind every time you mad 

So they can try to make you out to look like a loose canon"

I love Eminem because I understand him. His music makes sense to me, I 'feels like they can relate'.. all music does this to me.. but Eminem has a better way of telling it - real life shit. Not half made up bull-shit. I can relate to him, I know what he's saying and I understand..

"They say music can alter moods and talk to you 

But can it load a gun for you and cock it too? "

"but music is reflection of self
We just explain it, and then we get our cheques in the mail"

"It's why we sing for these kids that don't have a thing 

Except for a dream and a fucking rap magazine 

Who post pinup pictures on their walls all day long 

Idolise their favourite rappers and know all they songs 

Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in they lives 

So they sit and they cry at night, wishing they die 

Till they throw on a rap record, and they sit and they vibe 

We're nothing to you, but we're the fuckin' shit in their eyes 

That's why we sieze the moment, and try to freeze it and own it 

Squeeze it and hold it, 'cos we consider these minutes golden 

And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone 

Just let our spirits live on, through out lyrics that you hear in our songs 

Now, if you still dont understand and arent picking up what im putting down.. then you do NOT relate to music..

Because you probably dont, Im going to spell it out for you..

He writes about problems

He writes about his parents

He writes about drugs

He writes about relationships

He writes about love

He writes about hate

He writes about his daughters [i relate it to my silbling]

I feel like i can connect to him. He relaxes me, calms me down, puts me 'in a better place'.. makes me who i am.

Take it easy

Superman..Beesley..Twat

..

I dont lie. 
Really wish you would all stop saying this. 
I lie, to my parents. Even then its not lying, its white lies, so 1] they dont worry and 2] it means i can have a limmited social life. Ok!? So now will you please lay the fuck off of it.


Its been kinda awkward; this week, having random people ask me having the same thing... *answer* .... "why?".
Just fuck off. Its none of your business ok!? Nothing I do. Is ANYONES business ok. Dont know why you all have to be all nosey all the time. Just but out.
____________________________________________________________________________________
I could go on, but fuck it, I wont. 


YAAAY. My grandparents are here.. you actually dont know how happy this makes me xDDDDDDDDDD
<3 them more than anything/anyone i guess.. they are AWESOME!


Anyway im off.. Laptop bores me. Lates
Take it easy 
Superman..Beesley..Twat


p.s my name is N . O . T emma. seriously next person to call me that, or write that, i dont care who you are, boydment for life. 

..Talking.

Im no good at it. Never have been. 
What can i say, it gets me into some tricky situations sometimes.. :l
Ah well.
You see, I express myself to music. To myself, not to others.. but if you listen closely to songs, that im listening to being all quiet, and listen to the words, and connect with them, like I do with all types of music, then you might JUST ABOOUT be able to get me.. but most often than not, never.. So good luck with that. Im sorry its just who  i am.
I used to be able to talk about anything and anything, untill someone came along like 2 years ago, i think it is now, changed me. Completely. I am a completely different person to who i used to be. I used to be able to be read like a childrens book like a *snap of fingers*, but now, i cant. It pisses me off.. but its who i am, i supposem and i cant change that. Ah well.
This is why i have to write things down, be it in a diary, or on a note/letter/essay to whoever its to or even a text, because it is just THAT difficult, you (who will never read this) started this bussiness, and now i cant change back. Not the one.
Anyway I gtg meet Bucket now.. So ill update week soon.
Try and take it easy.
Love to all you close peoples (:
Superman.. Beesley.. Twat

Nothing Lasts Forever..

So yeahh.. havnt really been on here in a while. Struggling MAJORLY with work etc and being out all the time doesnt really help. But apart from that
'tell me its over, dont want you to hurt, its all that i can say, so ill be on my way. Ill always keep you inside, you healed my heart and my life, and you know i TRIIIEEEED.  Call me a sinner, call me a saint, tell me im your favorite, tell me im the worst, dont matter, I just dont want you to hurt, tell me its over, ill still love you the same... its all I can say, so ill be on my way, so ill be on my way"
Tune.
Anyway yeah sorry about that random outburst aha. Yeah life in general has been pretty good, just to keep you posted, but a little stressful to. Jenni's party was awesome, kinda jokes, especially the singing/dancing... yeah thats right, you heard me... "ME".. dancing!!? i mean what the actual fuck man ahaa, ah well.. also the fight that broke out with some girls hockey stick ahaha. Ah well. 
But yeah.. alsooo I got my stitches taken out and left a widdle tiny scar :P
Anyway, this is distraction enough for me, so now i shall as they say 'Rock Out' and tidy my room.
Latesss
Take it easy 
Superman..Beesley..Twat

There are no rules. End of.

..That is all. :]
Superman..Beesley..Twat

Ill..

Well, been a really long, weird, hard, "interesting" you could say kinda week..
Lots has gone on, hence why no blog..


But yeahh basically me and 3 of my closest friends have become quite ill.. aha.
As much as you blame me, i blame The Toaster, as i got it frm staying round your house the first time.. aha, so shh about me giving it to you.. aha.


Pool is still my second home, and 9 ball has become quite competitive between all of us aha..
Was actually quite excited today to find out that the fair in St. Albans is there again xDDDDDDDDDD.. went to it tonight, but to my great disappointment found out it doesnt actually open till Saturday :l not cool..


On a brighter note though, I finally got something off my chest, well kinda, kinda saying it but without saying the actual words like last week sometime.. and then..
Friday - Blazing + Hemi + Pioneer
Saturday - Pool + Fireworks + Hemi, Charlie, Chris + James + FAIRRRR
Then theres sunday.. not so bright.. Work :l


Ah well..  hope we all get better soon.. aha
Showerrr timeeess
.. Lates


Take it easy
Superman..Beesley..Twat

..

LONGEST... Hardest week of my life.
The end.


Superman..Twat

'care'

Ok, all you people.


I care.. really i do.


But i dont.


im geting to the stage now where your all just completely contradicting on what you say in person/text then what you say on here... or what you say on here, then contradicting yourself in text/person.. almost like its for atention.. its really not cool..


"how do you cope, with everyone elses shit i mean? Cause you always put your feelings last, why? they dont need to be, youurs should be first, and i just dont know how you cope with everyone elses on top of all of your own.." is what someone said to me a couple of days ago.. And i put mine last because thats just the way its always been, but now, one of you is doing "this to me again", and one of you want to "move". 
Well fine, so be it. 
Ever want to be part of my life again, then fine. But clearly not now. So just, well i dont know. 
Come find me when you want to be part of my life again.


Superman..Beesley..Twat.