Since last weekend its all been fun and games (: .. well not literally, but you knowwwww what i mean.
Daytime is kinda boring.. but at night, it becomes very interesting :) Althought I have starting to bun again.. hmmm, kinda bad.. ohhhh well, life goes on/life is too short I suppose.
Anyway im hungry as fuck. so ill be going now.. byeeeeeeee
Take it easy
Beesleyyyyyyyyy

Blert Alert..

Hmm, update time I think.. completely forgot untill recently thatI had this thing..
Met and also got to know some really awesome people over the past few weeks. Its actually been sick.

This past weekend had been such an epic weekend, honestly the best couple of days in SOOOOO fucking long.. first of all St. Albans on Friday night.. Gay Pride on Saturday.. which was fucking EPIC! Met bare safe peopleee, won a competiton ;) etc.. then jammin and bunnin on sunday followed by Thorpe Park on Monday with G, K, A and myselff..

No longer in a relationship, but thats cool, life moves on I guess.. but on the plus side..
DYLAN IS BACKKKK!!!! :D Bare happy, miss that boyyy bareee :')

Grown up slightly, in like personality.. dont get me wrong, still a twat who cant construct sentences or get the correct words out and a complete twat at times.. but grown up in some respects.. ah well.

Work is still shitttttt.. Cant wait to go to France, or Brighton Pride.. might be driving, should be SICKKKK :')

I loveee the gangg (:
<3
Take It Easy
..Beesleyyyy

Realisation..

So basically, I have oce and for all realised that my life WILL (see i cant even think of the word that goes here) come to nothing..


I realised that I cant have friends, and do work. Its one or the other. Then when i realise, its too late. Take the past month for instance. friends friends friends friends friends.... *no work*.
No uni, probs no job. Basically I give up.. because my life is becoming what it used to be all those years back in GCSE times.


I have been home for three hours.. managed to eat my dinner/Waterloo road.. now im still sat in the same place on this and FB talking to people and watching Big Mumma's House 2. Procrastinating much.. (aha speaking of that http://www.damnlol.com/) - its quite funny. 
'I promised I would stay focused' aha, thats what I said.. didnt work did it? Nahhhhh.


Anyway, good luck to you uni people etc.. see ya arounddd..


Take care


Superman..Beesley..Twat

Maybe this answers your question..

BECAUSE you snap. Thats why.
You snap at nothing. 
For example; Ellie's party. 
FOr example; whatever I do that doesnt even involove you.. like say im talking to someone, I turn round, say something and you snap. Thats it.


I dont do the hugs anymore because its got worse. 
Ive got worse.


I need space, ok. 
Im sorry, but yeahh.


and thanks for the 'you might as well walk with us' (yesterday).. i crossed the road before you. and then I waited for you guys to come round the corner for 15 mins. so thanks.

If your reading this because you discovered it..

I hate you. 
And i told you to log me out.
Not f***ing spy on me like you always do. 
F.U

Easyy..

Havnt blogged i a while.


Shit happens. (:


Yesterday was such a cotch day. Ended up re-joining the 'orchard group'.. went to the orchard for a pic-nic! :D
Finally brought the shorts and the aviators out.. turned out to be such an awesome day with some pretty awesome friends (:
Spent the evening with L, I, K, and D.. was so jokes!!


Also spent most of the day with S.A and it was pretty awesome :D 
.. you got soooo giggely man!! :P was pretty jokes, we should do that more often =3


School is still as horrible as ever, finally started doig my DT work and I am really quite proud of the work I did for it.. and its finally clicked that If i get this done and out of the way I can focus on my media and photography like I really want. I figured out I did really shit in my photography and NEED to do some more work on it and start this Unit to keep up with it. Then I need to do some editing on my media finals, then I could possibly get it to a B or HOPEFULLY an A.. because it is the subject I am really passionate about, but I dont know why, and I dont know why I wasnt trying hard before.. but I am going to now. 
_________________________________________________________________________________


C treated me to the cinema the other day and it was really quite funny, it was like old times :')
And spend the entire day with C which was really nice, because that was kinda like old times too.. I miss that.


Anyway I gotta go meet S now.. so take care people


Take it easy
Beesley 

Im Here.. Always.. For You

Catchup..

-For some reason, I have started to miss everyone loads. Random times.. really miss some of you out thereeee..
-Not doing so badly at pool anymore, starting to catch up :D
-Went to Devon to see relatives, they have the CUTEST dog EVER!

-Started to spend a lot more time with Stephen, Fern and Jamie because if some of you cant be bothered, im too ill to try. Cause if i see you, your not all there (as a person) and its just not you, not the real you that evryone loves :l
-I got some money to go up and see Matt Hirst in Stafford, and then some money to go up and see Jam Croissant in Reading :D - Bare hyped!!
-Happy pills; doubled - woooooooo.




Still in desperate need of some time with my best mates, and would really appreciate if this could happen..
Please and thank you (:


-My tattoo is looking rather sick now :D aaaaahhhH!!! :D
-I have decided that Cherry Shisha is the SEX! fun times last night in your roooooom ;D


Anyway I gtg and meet some old skl friends, so take care.. All of you. Hope to see you all soon! (:
Beesley
Xx

Update

I realised that I havnt been blogging much on here anymore because of my other blog.


Seems I have neglected this one. Ahh well. 


Basically, went to Disney, was awesome to get away from all of you. But then again. Missed a fair few too. Even though I was only gone for a few days. 


'Ups and downs' still going on. No matter what the outcome, I want it to stop. And if it goes badly. At least to be civil. Cause it has been going on for too long now and your just going round in circles. So that would be muchly appreciated.


Still behind in coursework as per usual, so ima leave you peoples to whatever your doing and maybe see you soon.


Take care. 

'Urgh. I Fucked Up'

Yeah, well from what I am thinking right now, yeah i guess you have. 
..And thanks man. Really.. Thanks. That is just the fucking cherry on top of the cake right now on top of all situations and happenings I got going on right now, you couldn't have picked a better time, really, I dont think you could have.. And just as I thought things were starting to look better, even if just a SMIDGE.


Nuff said.

Friends..

You love them with 'all your heart' right?

I cant decide weather or not this statement is true. I really cant..anymore.

I try, I fail. It happens with everything.. anyone. You.

'i look into yor(/her) eyes' - yeah right, arrghhh. mehehehehehehemehhhh.


'Stacey, cant you see your just not the girl for me'

I try i fail...

I fail.

Peace.

'This is the final goodbye'

.. Maybe it is, maybe it isnt.

'if theyre doing that then they arent really friends are they?! They're not worth it..'

Not worth it.. not worth it..

..Worth it? hmm.

Much love to my 'real' friends who are out there somewhere, maybe i'll find you one day..
When this is all over, all over.

18

I am finally 28 mother fuckers! :D


Had a party last night and it was actually awesome. By FAR the most amazing birthday EVER!!!
Apart from some people at uni.. everyone I wanted to come, came 
Bar one person, but that was yesterday I suppose. Ahh well :l


Anyway, everyone got completely fucked.. I basically had the best time of my life with all my friends that i care about.. even if some of them didnt stay that long..
But yeahh it was an awesome night, and I managed not to puke before everyone had left xD


No hangover though which I am pleased about yet i still feel shit cause i went to bed so late :l aha


Laters ma'h peeps
Beesley

(:

New haircut..
New age..


.. New life.


I have decided. 'just dont give a shit, its so much fun'
How i used to live. How i shall again. No guilt, no worries.. no emotions (:
Happy Beesley Bunny Rabbit. That is what i shall be..
This is what i can be..
This is me, this is what i WILL BE.


Party tonight. Bare happy xD
Hopefully 2 of you are coming and the other is 'popping in'
So erm yeahh.. wooo.


Its a new dawn night its a new day evening, its a new life for me. And im feeling good.


Take it easy
'Easy Beesley' Love you Andy man (: <3 

..Pool.

It was really good seeing you today (: Made me smileeee Mr Elif-Root-Person (: 
Write me that list of artists :P


Dr's this morning.. new/stronger meds for some stuff.. wasnt that bad untill i realised that I couldnt get home because bus drivers wouldnt take bus ticket and the cash machine wouldnt let me take money out because of my stupid chip.. so I got home and ordered a new one after my COMPLETE life-saver gave me a lift from Shenley :D.


Got to pool to see some people and Larry, was all gravey.. then Larry nd Hemi went home/watford so me and Charlie just jammed for hours. Made a 5 hour long playlist for friday which i am SOOOOO PSYCHED about!!! And just had some awesome random chats with Charlieee nd Shahieen.
Charlie..... SUPERSEX ;)


Anway internets are about to die.. so shall see/speak to you peoples tomorrow i guessss..
Laterssss 
Superman..Beesley..Twat




OMG ITS ONLY THREE DAYS MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!! :O :D XX

Weeks

Not gunna lie, these past few weeks have been a complete blur and as much as i remember.. i cant remember how it started. Hopefully its all starting to look better.. even if only by a smidge, it makes a huge impact and im kinda glad.


Been too stressful to have time to post with Coursework etc but basics..
-Really behind with c/w
-Very little sleep/food
-Low attention spans
-I seem to be amazing at COD now
-Very good times, mixed with complete tearing of organs
-Ermmmm, behind with CW, as per usual ;)




I am really happy about last night. For one reason one of you knows, but for another reason because ma'h Mr Stephen cheered me up a great amount, really made my day, even though I thought it would be impossible, it was like he wasnt really trying and i loved it. It then cheered me up even greater that I won 7-3 again Stephen and then 8-3 to Dan, which I am quite proud of because I always considered him to be an amazing player, not sure what happened there.. but he needs a slap.. 'No Offence.. *looks at others* but GAY!' aha <3
Lost to Charlie, but i didnt really care because im used to it now and i dont really think anything of it anymore, its just like a norm aha. But yeahh well done cause you made some awesome shots!
So happy that im above Dan and Larry in the pool league and am like 5th out of god knows how many people.


Take it easy
Superman..Beesley..Twat

Good Day..

i have literally had the best couple days of my life this year in the wonderful world of 2011.


I think im finally begining to like it.
aha


Peace

Chances.

'We dont seem to be sort things out'


Because we never have a chance to. 


It will work.


I am determined to make it.


If you dont want to, then let me know.


Because id rather not waste spend time over this if you dont want it to work.


'The balls in your court.'


Late's
Beesley. 

Hmm..

Dont you just love 'besst friends' sometimes.


We were fine on fb earlier. I asked you something.. you replied.. i forgot i left it on and went for gret and played some pool. Then i came back and replied. i got your text at 5:40. Which was a whole like 20 mins or so after i replied on facebook. I try and sort things back out. Then you go all off again, I try to sort it out, you say "i dont know anymore". 


YOU DONT KNOW!!!????? Is that actually a joke. 
I have lost the 3 people closest to me over these past few months and YOU dont know?? Your not the one cemented SLAP BANG in the middle are you!? No, I didnt think so. Partaker, not participant.. in some aspects yes you are.. but in all of it, no.. that always seems to be my job. And I am F . E . D up of it. 


All i want is my best friend back. Not the 'new and improved' one, not particularily the very old one either, although i would still accept it.. But I want YOU back. No one else thats taken over. YOU. 
Sort it out.

Things..

I dont know why.. but its really winding me up and I cant stop thinking about it..
I know your still not going to tell me, but i would really appreciate knowing, just so the headache stops. 


Yesterday evening when i saw you for like an hour.. you seemed really off, then we were fine for about 10 minutes and then after that you seemed off again :l I tried to see if I could cheer you up because that may have been what you needed or something, but i could tell it wasnt really working and it wasnt really what you wanted.


I just want to know so that I dont have to keep worrying about you. Because i really care about you, your my best friend and I dont like seeing you like that. At least if I know what it is I can try and do something about it/sort it out/not have to worry (if its not something I need to be worried about). :l
..you probably wont read this, but I needed to get it out :l
Love you man, dont ever forget that. <3


Beesley Xx

Showers.

They make me feel amazing. I actually love them. Thought you should know this.. aha. 


But yeahh showers.. hmm they are frigging awesome. 
Before was so much tension and anger and different emotions
.. Now there is happy, calm and relaxed.
Relaxed enough to go and talk to parents.. and sort out some shizzle.
Also if im luck get to go and look at places for parties! xD


Anyway. Have a good afternoon/evening peeps. 


Take it easy mann
Superman..Beesley..Twat
<3

Its Brutal But Its The Truth.

'i can't be with someone who doesn't want to let someone in and understand them. It's brutal but it's the truth.'


Well its taken a long time to figure that out hasn't it. 'I cried.. for all of 3 seconds. Yes that may make me a bitch', 'its brutal but its the truth.'


I am happy.
-When i have ganja
-When on my pills
-When I dont NEED my pills
-When with my 'best friend' who i have now lost, but beggining to move on because people always come and go in my life. Although I will admit it will be the hardest struggle this time than it ever has been before. Im walking away this time. To help you.
-Im happy when i have something to punch
-Im happy when i need a hug and go ask one
-Of course I am also happy when I am with
*Matt *Chris *Charlie *Hemi *Sammy *Ellen Jakeman


I have a CAREFREE PERSONALITY AND WAY OF (LOOKING AT) LIFE.
I need a break to get back on track. I need to sort out my life for once and for all. 
This has happened once before and it broke me down until I was like a baby again and I had to get back up and start my life again, and it partially worked. And its happening again. I need to get away before you get to me completely. 


I love you all.


Superman..Beesley..Twat

Happyness.

Hope your happy.

Yes I am.

Im over the moon that I have lost 3 of my closest friends because of being over the edge. 

I am as you might say 'ecstatic'.#

My **** friend, i dont even know what to say to you anymore.. because you just push me away even though you try to convince me that you 'love' me.

I havnt cried since well erm.. I cant even remember.

Elfi: im sorry. 

      Cheer up

      Rawwr.

Chris: Is all monosyllabic with me and is pissed off at me. and I REALLY dont like it :l

I literally dont know how I would live without seeing Chris :l ... <3

And you know what. Because all of this seems to be my fault.. probably is but I will say 'apparently' anyway i am going to say sorry.

I am genuinely sorry. These past few months have been hell. Its been stupid how much shit has gone down. And I hate it. I know it wont happen.. But i REALLY would love it if because its a new year and a new start, i would really love it if we could all just be really good/close friends again. Just how it used to be, the 4 of us. I really miss it. And i, well i dont know.. this is me 'trying' (once again Hemi) and just have fun with your lives and ill miss you if not. 

Superman..Beesley..Twat

You Cant..

have a break.. from something that never really started.
Just doesnt work.


And fine. I guess ill just come find you in a couple of years when IVE 'grown up'
because thats clearly what your telling me I need to do. So, so be it.


Peace out mother fuckers. (my new word from Pineapple Express)
..Mother Fuckers.

A Changed E***

Well its nice to know that BOTH of you said this. 
Especially as one of you, who has known me the longest KNOWS i havnt changed, 
Yet the other one I guess ill accept that statement more because you havnt known me long enough
to know..
But my best friend.. great, thinks I have changed. you KNOW I havnt.


You know this is one of the manny ways I deal with stress, drama, (and i may be exaggerating quite a bit but) life  changing things. Because this is what happened with Queen B. B changed me. You know this.
So tbh, not gunna lie.. I am actually quite offended.
What I tend to do (i dont even know why im even bothering explaining) is back off from the world, ignore the ones I care about the most to i dont hurt them by what i may end up saying to them and lye low, see some old friends because they cheer me up a considerable amount and then when I am 'stable' i try and fix things.
But instead you all decide to let it hurt you because im trying not to. And i bet none of you understand this. But I dont even care. I tried to not talk to you to help YOU.. but somehow in this mess we have all made it worse. 


But its nice to know that my 'best friend' said this too.


I want to get along with you all. Really, I do. But your making it really difficult to do.
So when.. or if you decide we can all start again then please just let me know. Im tired of playing these ridiculous games.


Superman..Beesley..Twat

...

'I cant say anything right' 
.. you didnt say anything wrong..? Im confused.


'After last night, new years eve alone, I wanted a new start, a new me. But yeah go for it emma'
How does this involve me? I am really confused.


'Im gonna continue to back of like I was doing.'
.. Im sorry, but that was not what you were doing. That was what I was doing because you werent. So I could help you to get your chance to 'move on' or stop 'fighting' or whatever it was you wanted to do..


Why so pissy? All of you. 
'I want a good year in 2011' ... well this is a damn good way to start it for yourselves isnt it. 


Stay Safe. Be Happy
Beesley.

New Years Eve.

Was literally the best night I have had in a LONG time!
I was literally with my family. The original orchard lot. 


Had so much to drink. Was literally with the most amazing people ever. 
And then speaking to someone on the phone cheered me up quite a bit more. And no no one that reads this will be that person..
But yeahh..
This years schedule
Happy
No Stress
No Drama
One Person


Happy New Year To Those Of You Who Want It To Be Happy.
Those Who Dont Then.. Hmm.. Something.. W/E you want i suppose..


Anywayyy i has bigger fish to fry so will catch you on the flip side.


Superman..Beesley..Twat


P.S.. MY BIRTHDAY IN 20 DAYS!! SOOOO EXCITED. 

Untittled

I am not 'a changed E*** '. 


I am me.
I am who I say I am, if i wasnt then why would I say I am.
Ffs. I told you there were different sides to me. And because of certain/recent events you are experiencing one you did not believe I had. Im sorry for (in your eyes.. no different to me) what I have become.
This is what happens when I get pushed over the limit. I cant cope and then 'I change'. But no I dont.


We have had this discussion. All of you have heard/read it. 
ADHD
Angerrrrrr 
etc
So all of you who are (not) guilt tripping me EVERY single day. I just cant cope well with it. 
So i would appreciate it if you would PLEASE stop. I cant take no more.